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Friday, February 26, 2010

The Worst Question to Ask Your Husband

I had this epiphany while preparing for my upcoming webinar. The worst possible question any wife can ask her husband would be...

No, it's not, "Does this make me look fat?" although it's been hailed as one for quite some time. There are far worse things to ask in dire situations.

So sisters, the worst question would be,
"How do you think this makes me feel?"

The elements that make this question so disastrous are the very words used in it, and if you were to look closely you would see what I mean. You, think. Me, feel.

You have aptly identified how men function differently from women. Men think. Women feel. If you want your husband to know how you feel, tell him there and then.

Just because he doesn't share his feelings with you doesn't mean you shouldn't either. You may think that speaking out your feelings make you more vulnerable in turn, when the fact remains that doing so will actually evoke the instinctive urge in your husband to watch out for your feelings the next time around.

Give it a shot: the next time you want him to take notice of your feelings, start off your sentence with exactly that: "I feel bored watching the game for so long with you," or, "I felt hurt when you said ____" Speaking of your feelings first gives him the breathing space to react accordingly, as opposed to starting a sentence with, "You (should, ought, didn't, and so on)."

Owning up to your feelings will encourage your husband to speak about his in turn, and in case he says, "I think" in the instances where you say, "I feel," know that his word usage is different from yours and his heart is pretty much in the same place as yours is.

Replace the worst question to ask your husband with the best compliment you can give him: the ease with which you can speak of your feelings to him and you will visibly notice the change in him inshaAllah, as you will in your own relaxed body language, tone of voice and focus on the positive.

1 comment:

Tayibah said...

Alhumdulillah this is the one question I never asked my hubby Alhumdulillah and will watch out for it in future too... And a very valid point that we are free to share our feelings regardless of them doing so or not...

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