InshaAllah you will find this blog useful. To learn more about relationship coaching for Muslim wives, go to my website

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Losing the Baggage

SubhanAllah, something really interesting came up after my, "Date Your Husband" webinar. A portion of single sisters wrote in to explain how the webinar inspired them to take on their forthcoming marriages with a smile and a distinct plan. Another observation that popped up from the single sisters were how newly wed wives tend to lose the spark that they had towards working for their marriage, and resort to missing the days that 'were', so to speak.

JazakumAllahu khayran to all of you sisters who wrote in and shared your reflections in the online survey. One of the questions that pops up now is, "What causes the change in heart?" From thinking of countless ways to have a great marriage bi'thnillah while single, to running short on ideas and patience once you are married?

I usually get my share of, "It's different when you're parents / living with family / have household work to do" and perhaps the most common reply is that of, "When do I get to take a break and have him think for our marriage instead?"

Until a few days ago, I had a separate answer for each question and now I can roll all of the answers into one. The baggage that you carry from each experience does weigh you down from taking a step forward in your marriage.

Each question that begins with, "Yeah, but" has a history to it that you're willing to keep and savor more than the promise of a better marriage bi'thnillah, only because what you already know of is comfortable, and the thought of a different future is… well scary.

So here's my question to you, "Just how much of baggage from the past do you want to lug around for your remaining life, when our Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam told us to be in this world as a mere traveler?" For a mere traveler, you know you're carrying a whole lot around when it slows you down towards your purpose.

Alhamdu lillah as the comments and questions from sisters came streaming in, I became even more glad of my book, "40 Slick Girlfriend Moves" since it's a practical guide to everyday steps that you can take, irrespective of where you are, and who you live with, since these are moves that you can practice on your husband. To have that dreamy boyfriend, you must be a slick girlfriend in the ways he would like you to be, and the rest will come naturally inshaAllah, as it has with me and many other sisters.

The sisters who invested in the book came back with the ways they'll implement in their marriage and I'd recommend it to you only when you are willing to lift that heavy foot from the past and move it ahead, because that, my dear sisters, is what sets the single, idyllic sisters apart from the married ones with a mundane perspective on marriage: your focus.

You can either shed the weight and move ahead now, or tell yourself that wives living in your situation simply cannot be happy, and leave it at that. You are still reading because you know just how incorrect the second statement is.


Rukhpar Mor said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rukhpar Mor said...

I just wanted to make a different comment: losing the baggage is really important for all relationships...event the ones with your friends.

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